well all i can really say is that it's jan 2010, and i didn't do crap last year. buutttt as soon as my husband came from home deployment, which was the end of july 2009, i lost, in about a month & a half, 15lbs. then continuing onto the holidays, i lost another 5lbs for a total of 20lbs. then the holidays happenend and i gained another 7. so that leaves me currently @ 189lbs. which is a shit load better than when i started. so i'm working working working on it now. i have spurts where i get active, then times when my husband is gone and i feel lost and don't know what to do so don't do anything. that can't be my excuse anymore. i'm tired of being a fucking fat ass.
as you can see from the pic, i'm still big, despite having lost some weight. but i think anyone who sees this can agree with me, that i look a million & one times better than my very first picture so far. i just look a wretched mess in that. it's really sad to look at.
i'm determined again to get this started. i'm eating healthier, i haven't smoked since new years (and haven't had a craving) and the only real weakness i have is chocolate and frappuccinos. i really gotta just get those out of my life. i told my husband that i have to look at all fast food and bad food with hate because they brought me here. i can only blame myself for so long until i don't feel bad anymore. so if i look @ bad food with disgust, then i feel better. and i really don't want it. i can eat healthy. i just over eat and then i don't work out.
my husband has me on a work out plan where i get stronger. kinda like the p90x thing. he says that cardio will help me burn fat, but he says that i'll lose it too fast and that it won't stick, where as if i build muscle, it'll burn off fat quickly, but it will maintain better because i'm getting stronger and making my body stronger and healthier. so yea, i'm just going with whatever he has me doing, cause obviously it works.
what irks me is that i could've lost more weight by now but starting school again really fucked me over. now that i'm not in school anymore i'm just trying to focus more on my health (along with other stress related things like moving and my husband leaving on another deployment.) it's really sad. but i'll be back in cali, and that's my big test to myself to see if i can really do this again. who knows. i'm more determined than ever.
i have new motivation for losing weight:
1) i'm now a singer in a cover band and my girlfriends that sing with me are beautiful and skinny as hell. i want to look better than them. not thinner, i wanna look healthy and curvaceous and just overall feel good about myself. i know it's not about looks and stuff, but shit, if it motivates me, then i'll take it!
2) i'm turning 27. that feels old to me. and i'm spending my bday in vegas. i wanna once go to vegas and be able to wear a short, cute dress and look AND feel good in it. and that'll be the first time i see my husband in about 5 months so i just wanna blow him out of the water. i wanna look better than when he first met me.
3) i really want to have more kids later this year or next year and in order to do that safely, i have to be healthy. i will be devastated to get pregnant now at this weight and in my poor health condition. there are more risks for me AND of course the baby and i just don't want that. i gained sooooo much weight during my first pregnancy, and i JUST finally shed it off end of last year. and my son is going to be 3 this year. that says a lot.
4) i want to be a good role model to my son, potential future kids, and my friends and family. prove to everyone, especially myself that i can do it, feel good about it, and hopefully encourage others to get on the same path as me.
wow, this is a lot longer than i expected... but this is good. i need to write things out more often. it's my niche. till next time. maybe by my bday in july i'll have an amazing pic to post on here. :)
